You’re Not Fatherless: A Story of Forgiveness

I lost my father 11 days after I turned 13. I was in high school, writing mid-term exams and wasn’t informed until after his burial. As a teenager, I remember the sense of pain, emptiness and also a dawning sense of reality that I felt. Life was going to be different from now.

Image by Michael Sweet

And it turned out so.

Education was important to him. A well-travelled man, my father acknowledged the power of learning and education. He inspired me with the words:

“Whatever happens, get your education and make me proud.”

 

Notwithstanding the numerous obstacles, the loss of our family fortunes, I pursued that dream. Without a biological father, I trusted in a Heavenly One to guide and lead me.

This really hurts me!

In recent years, I have followed the impact of absent fathers in homes; the pain and the hopelessness of not having someone to look up to.

Some walk out, some make significant mistakes in their personal decisions and some genuinely lost their battle against sickness, like my father.

One of the saddest realities of my generation is the sight of talented and gifted youngsters shaped negatively by the mistakes of a parent and role model, especially absent fathers.

That really hurts me.

If only we look in the right places, we will find an amazing network of people who are willing to support us in the absence of our fathers.

Looking back, I’m so grateful I entrusted myself to God-fearing fathers who mentored and shaped me significantly. It was a risk, but one I’ll live never to regret. Sometimes in life, you have to be vulnerable to reach your goal.

Through their ‘tough love’, I learned perspective, found focus and grew a passion for intentionality.

A story of forgiveness

Recently, a friend of mine shared about her experience of living with the ‘fatherless’ tag since childhood, of having to deal with the fact her father may not walk her down the aisle on her wedding day, and of her journey to forgiveness.

My fatherless story is different from hers in many ways but she said a few things that struck me deeply, something that’s worth sharing (shared with permission):

“In 2004, my mom did something I thought was rather foolish and unnecessary.

She drove me to a house I had known as my father’s. At the gate she told me everything that transpired between her and my father’s family.

 

I had two options: either go in and attempt to rebuild broken relationship with them or walk away and never look back.

 

This was where she was humiliated, betrayed and rejected. And here I was, asked to take a step towards forgiveness or not. I walked into the house and chose forgiveness.

 

Recently, I listened to a pastor preach on the subject of fatherless children. I’ve never thought of myself as fatherless before, thanks to my mom, who was always there for me.

 

I left church with a heavy heart that night. But later, I began to connect the dots and to understand what was happening that October night 10 years ago in my father’s house. In the very place she was humiliated, my mom gave me a platform to forgive, to love and be kind.

 

My story may be different to yours but I believe we have amazing stories to tell. But we cannot do that as long as we are still angry and bitter. I’m not defined by my father’s past actions, mistakes and decisions. I’m not my father; I’m born with a purpose.

 

I urge you to break the cycle of “fatherless kids”, which has become a reason for some to underachieve in life. Fatherless is not the end of my story. Don’t make it the end of yours.”

I am touched by her story of forgiveness and journey of grace.

You are not Fatherless

If you can relate with my friend’s story, I encourage you to summon courage and realise that fatherless is not the end of your story.

You have a Father, One who’s always present and willing to put His arms around you.

Don’t rest your entire life on the mistakes of an absent father (I don’t say that lightly). You can live life to the full, knowing you have a Father who will never leave you nor forsake you.

You are not Fatherless. 

Questions: I recognise the sensitivity of this topic for some readers. But I would love to read from you if you can relate personally with the ‘fatherless’ experience. How did you deal with the absence of your father? Share in the comments.